Sick

In more than one way.

I have this cod/flu that is probably killing me. The worst part is I love it and I can purge whenever I feel like without hiding because it will just be pegged as me having this virus.

As I was sitting there, legs hugging the toilet full of the cereal I had for breakfast, my hand covered in saliva, eyes watering, throat burning and twitching, I was thinking, "Damn, I'm sick." Not because I have a virus, not even because I am using that to purge, and not even because I AM purging, but because at the same time I was also thinking,

"Damn...I missed this."

Binge...no purge

I was doing so well today. I was at 235 cal. And I got home and was going to eat half a sandwich. 196.7 cal. And call it good.  But then I ate the other half. And pizza rolls, and half a mini pizza, and waffles CAKED in butter and more pizza rolls and a pudding cup.

I am so disgusting. Why did I eat mostly meat and bread for my binge?!?!? SO hard to get up! I tried to purge, I really did. All I got was a little bit of pudding, a couple of pizza rolls, and water. What's wrong with me? AND I drank coconut water to help get it up. EVEN MY WATER HAD CALORIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow is a fast day, for sure. Nothing but zero calorie water. Any encouragement would be great, I need motivation so badly. And any tips on B/Ping well would be GREATLY appreciated.

Thanks,
The Fat Fucking Loser