When I look at food, I don't see food anymore. I see numbers.
I tried fasting today after my first BP in a couple weeks. Does anyone else have shitty fasting results? I didn't eat all day and my weight didn't budge. Not even .1 of a pound. I ended up getting sick, probably an electrolyte imbalance from throwing up then not eating anything. I guess I just can't fast. It doesn't work for me. Does anyone else get zero results from fasting?
...my boyfriend is making me fat. I feel comfortable and beautiful around him so I don't feel I need to restrict and exercise like crazy to be MY version of perfect for him. He makes me feel beautiful just as I am. What a jerk. How DARE he make me fat. We went to Culver's and I got a root beer float. He got a bacon cheese burger, float, and fries AND cheese curds. He's 6'2" (188 cm) and 140 lbs (63.5 kg). His BMI is 18.0. He is underweight. He sat there and got me to eat his fries and cheese curds. With ketchup and mayo (fucking frysauce) and ranch. Full fat ranch. I TOOK his burger and ate some of it. Bacon cheese burger. He laughed at me. I told him that now I feel fat. He got all serious and looked me dead in the eye and said "Well I'm glad I can get you to eat at least some of the time. I'm glad to see you eat. You need to eat." And I'm like...YOU SERIOUS?! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO EAT!!! YOU ARE UNDERWEIGHT AND I AM A 21.8 BMI WALRUS WHALE MOOSE!! AND YOU ARE TRYING TO MAKE IT WORSE!!! Ughh....angry. But...I feel bad because he's so sweet to me.
And well...TMI moment but I've always dealt with self image issues. I used to cut, drink, do drugs, and have a lot of casual sex. A LOT. That's just how I dealt with things. Sex means I'm pretty, right? (Or easy. Whatever) But I always said it means I'm pretty. I was always aggressive, assertive, the dominate one. Yet very obedient. Sexually. But with this boy...when we get sexual (haven't had sex, like intercourse yet, and yeah..pretty early in our relationship been a week and a half but in my defense we've been friends for six years and sorta...skipped the dating, courting, get-to-know-you phase) it's...different. Afterwards like after he makes me...climax...I get super...shy? Like...I blush and I just HAVE to cover my face because he's smiling at me and telling me how cute I am when I...erm...yeah and I get all girly and awkward and shy... I think I really like this kid...
That and he's totally thinspo.. so tall and thin. I can see his hip bones through his clothes and his legs are so long and lean, no chance of them EVER touching. I grab his stomach and there is NOTHING. I can barely grab skin, it's pulled so tight and smooth over his chest and stomach, his abdominal muscles show through it perfectly without being ripped or bulky. It's smooth and toned and thin. All of him is smooth and toned and slim and thin. He eats every two days. Works out a lot. Ugh....so thinspo. How can someone so thin and beautiful and perfect want to be with a thick, fat, pudgy, round, flabby, troll like me? I'd hate to think I'm some sort of charity project...
I've never totally fasted. I can avoid eating the whole day, but I can't get away with skipping dinner, I've tried but my mom gets suspicious. So I'm afraid I can't help there!
ReplyDeleteI get the whole boyfriend thing. My ex-boyfriend hugely contributed towards my getting fatTER. (I've never been skinny in my life. But I was at 68-70ish for ages, until I started dating him, then I started gaining and gaining and gaining). He seriously eats enough for three people. We'd go to see a movie and he'd get the very biggest popcorn and the biggest coke they have. We'd go for pizza and he's get the XXL with extra cheese and actually finish it. We'd go to McD's and he'd supersize everything. It was crazy. But he was eating so much, that compared to him I was eating very little, while I was actually eating way more that any normal person would. But what is really ridiculous, is that he was (still is) fat. Really really fat. How did I not realise that he's fat because he eats so much? Hello?!
On the other hand, I have this really great guy friend now, we met about a year ago. And OK, I have a tiny bit of a crush on him, but he has a girlfriend so I'm totally hands-off, no flirting, nothing. Anyway. He's really health-conscious, he works out a lot, he's really muscular, he's into healthy eating and all those good things, and he's actually motivated me a lot while I've been losing. It's not that he's ever judged me for being fat, he's always told me that he thinks I'm very pretty. But he gets that I want to lose weight and be healthier, so he supports me and gives me tips on eating and working out and stuff, which is really great.
OK, so now that I've written about an entire post of my own... Try to eat in front of him so he won't worry. Just try to keep it healthy and low-cal. If he thinks you're not eating, he's just gonna keep trying to feed you. And don't tell him that you want to lose weight or that you don't want to get fat. Tell him you want to be healthy so you don't want to eat junk. I use that a lot and people totally go for it. I hardly tell anyone that I'm TRYING to lose weight, I just tell them I'm trying to be more health-conscious because I don't want diabetes or a heart attack, and with my new healthy habits of eating right and working out, the weight loss just happens naturally.
But either way, he sounds really really really awesome and I really don't think you're a charity project to him, it sounds to me like he really really likes you and cares for you. So don't worry about that, OK? You've been waiting for this guy for a long time, now enjoy it!
xx
Well I hope that works out for you :D You're ultra fab.
DeleteHowever...he already kinda knows about my ED...but he doesn't push it, if you see what I mean. He doesn't support IT but he supports me. But he's a total hypocrite when it comes to eating food. We both know he couldn't get fat if he tried. He just hates eating, doesn't like how it feels. So I'm like....Shut up :c YOU eat!
gfndjkglfkhfx grumble.
By the way, did I mention that you're fab?
I think you have mentioned that yeah, though I'm not really sure why yet :P
ReplyDeleteDoesn't like how eating feels... lord, I wish I had that problem!
Yeah I guess if he already knows, then there's not much to be done. Obviously he worries about you because he cares for you. If he said that it's OK and you can just go on not eating because you need to lose weight, THAT would've been reason to get upset! But at least it's not a deal-breaker to him, and as long as he's not on your case about eating the whole time, I'm sure you'll be fine. Besides, if he doesn't eat that often, then hopefully that means he can't trick you into eating half his food that often :)
I figure if I'm good usually I can spare to eat with him a bit. Even then, maybe convince him to go to Hu Hot or somewhere I can eat a veggie stir fry and not be suspicious. Even though I've always hated veggies....
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